No matter how
peaceful a society might be, misunderstanding is bound to arise at one point or
the other between individuals and partners in relationships in such a society,
and the manner in which such misunderstand is tackled will determine the extent
of peace such society will enjoy.
Understand that
your role as a third party in any form of dispute between partners in serious
relationship should be to broker peace between the parties involved without
being judgmental or biased. How do you oversee such type of disputes effectively
to ensure that you achieve this aim of restoring peace back into such
relationship? Below are some tips to help guide you when settling disputes:
- Hear both parties out:
The way you
approach dispute resolution from the onset will determine the type of result
you will have. Don’t start with criticism because that might create a notion in
the mind of the party being criticized that you’re biased irrespective of
whether he is right or wrong.
Listen
attentively to what both parties have to say without passing judgment or backing
anyone. That is the only way you can know the real cause of such dispute and
get them to accept your judgment in the end. Giving both parties the freedom to
express their grief and paying a good attention to what each one of them has to
say, would make them trust you and respect your judgment in the end.
- Stick to the matter at hand:
Irrespective of
what both parties said in the course of speaking out what resulted in the
dispute, try to stick to the matter at hand. I know some disputes occur as a
result of some previous matters that might trigger the present situation at
hand, always stick to the matter at hand and base your judgment on such.
- Don’t take sides:
No matter how
obvious the fault of the other person might be, don’t ever take sides when
settling any form of disputes that you’re involved in; be it marital, social,
etc. taking sides when settling a dispute clouds ones mind from giving a
sincere judgment or advice. Don’t make the other person feel that you are
attacking him in your judgment, always
stand a neutral ground when settling a disputes.
- Don’t pass any blame:
The aim of your involvement
in such matter is not to pass blame but to restore peace. Telling any of the
parties involved in such dispute out rightly that he/she is wrong before
hearing the person’s side of the story is actually a means of trying to make
the other justify their action is such dispute.
The way and
manner you let a person know that he/she is at fault will determine how he/she
is going to respond to you or your judgment. So be tactical in your approach.
- Don’t judge the person, judge their action:
When settling a
dispute most people are fond of judging the person instead of their action. Imagine
someone that’s called to settle a dispute condemning the other party and
calling him or her names. How can such a dispute be solved amicably in such
kind of a situation? Never call any of the party names; even if you think that
their action was stupid. Instead condemn their actions, not the person. Say
something like, that action is not right etc.
When you start
condemning any of the parties, they might immediately shut their heart to any
kind of judgment or correction you’re going to give. Understand that your
involvement in such dispute is to broker peace between the parties involved.
- Make both parties see where they went wrong:
Even if you
observe that one of the parties is very wrong, don’t concentrate on that one
person’s wrong alone. So that he/she would not view you as being biased. The
best way to go about it, since restoring unity back into the union is the aim,
make both parties see where they’ve gone wrong; irrespective of who provoked
who, let them understand that such and such is not acceptable.
- Play an advisory role:
I believe the
parties involved would have considered you a fatherly or motherly figure that’s
why they brought you in. your role in the settling of such dispute after you
might have heard both parties out should be an advisory role. Don’t judge,
don’t criticize – advice.
You make each
party see the area they’ve gone wrong and feel remorse for their action when
you learn to take the advisory route instead of passing judgment.
Resolving any
form of conflict is not an easy task and we should try to give our best and
ensure that peace is brought back to the union when we are called upon.
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