No matter how peaceful and loving a relationship might be, misunderstanding is bound to arise at one point or the other between the partners in such a relationship, and the manner in which such misunderstanding is tackled will determine the level of peace and love such relationship will enjoy.
Understand that
your role as a third party in any form of dispute between partners in serious
relationship should be to broker peace between the parties involved without
being judgmental or biased. How do you oversee such type of disputes
effectively to ensure that you achieve this aim of restoring peace into such
relationship? Below are some tips to help guide you when settling disputes:
- Hear both parties out:
The way you approach
conflict resolution from the onset will determine the type of result you will
have. Don’t start with criticism because that might create a notion in the mind
of the party being criticized that you’re biased irrespective of whether he is
right or wrong.
Listen
attentively to what both parties have to say without passing judgment or backing
anyone. That is the only way you can know the real cause of such conflict and
get them to accept your judgment in the end. Giving both parties the freedom to
express their grief and paying a good attention to what each one of them has to
say, would make them trust you and respect your judgment in the end.
- Stick to the matter at hand:
Irrespective of
what both parties said in the course of speaking out what resulted to the
conflict or misunderstanding, try to stick to the matter at hand. I know some
disputes occur as a result of some previous unresolved misunderstandings that
might be serving as a trigger to the situation at hand, try to always stick to
the matter at hand and base your judgment on such.
- Don’t take sides:
No matter how
obvious the fault of the other person might be, don’t ever take sides when
settling any form of disputes that you’re involved in; be it marital, social,
etc. taking sides when settling a dispute clouds ones mind from giving a
sincere judgment or advice. Don’t make the other person feel that you are
attacking him in your judgment, always
stand a neutral ground when settling a disputes.
- Don’t pass any blame:
The aim of your involvement
in such matter is not to pass blame but to restore peace. Telling any of the
parties involved in such dispute out rightly that he/she is wrong before
hearing the person’s side of the story is actually a means of trying to make
the other person justify their action is such dispute.
The way and
manner you let a person know that he/she is at fault will determine how he/she
is going to respond to you or your judgment. So be tactical in your approach.
- Don’t judge the person, judge their action:
When settling a
dispute most people are fond of judging the person instead of their action.
Imagine someone that’s called to settle a dispute condemning the other party
and calling him or her names. How can such a dispute be resolved amicably in
such kind of a situation? Never call any of the party names; even if you think
that their action was stupid. Instead condemn their actions, not the person.
Say something like, ‘that action is not right’ etc.
When you start
condemning any of the parties, they might immediately shut their heart to any
kind of judgment or correction you’re going to give. Understand that your
involvement in such dispute is to broker peace between the parties involved.
- Make both parties see where they went wrong:
Even if you
observe that one of the parties is very wrong, don’t concentrate on that one
person’s wrong alone. So that he/she would not view you as being biased. The
best way to go about it, since restoring unity back into the union is the aim,
make both parties see where they’ve gone wrong; irrespective of who provoked
who, let them understand that such and such is not acceptable.
- Play an advisory role:
I believe the
parties involved would have considered you a fatherly or motherly figure that’s
why they brought you in. your role in the settling of such dispute after you
might have heard both parties out should be an advisory role. Don’t judge,
don’t criticize – advice.
You make each
party see the area they’ve gone wrong and feel remorse for their action when
you learn to take the advisory route instead of passing judgment.
Resolving any
form of conflict is not an easy task and we should try to give our best and
ensure that peace is brought back to the union when we are called upon.
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