COULD THESE BE THE TRUE REASONS WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE(Part two)

We know that there are single people that are single as a result of their decision to be single and they are pleased and happy with it. But there are also single people that are dreaming of being in loving relationships but what they are setting their eyes on might be what is preventing them from the partner and relationship of their dreams. So many people are dreaming of being in a loving relationship without planning to put in the work necessary for building such loving relationship that they seek, hence their quest for a particular set of partners with some specified qualities because they feel those are the people that can guarantee them happiness in their relationships.

It is not wrong to require certain types of qualities from your would be partner, but are those qualities you’re desiring necessary for building a healthy and long lasting relationship? What you look out for in your would be partner may either increase your choice or limit your choice in relation to the eligible people available around you. Sometimes single people desiring to be in loving and committed relationships remain single because they set their eyes on things that are not real for building great relationships. Below are some more reasons why they may remain single for long ….continued from the previous post: 

There’s the class mentality. He is not in my league; she’s not in my league. Which league are you playing and with whom? Sometimes, we let frivolities govern our lives and decisions. So your major consideration for something as delicate and vital as relationship in our lives is league or status? Ha, that’s sad! No wonder there is so much heart break and divorce occurring lately because people go into relationships and marriages for trivial reasons and later discover that those things are never necessary for building a healthy relationship or marriage.

When your view about relationship is league based, you limit the number of the eligible people around you because they may not be in your supposed league. One problem with people in league based relationships is that they close their eyes or become unawares of most of the character flaws their partner may have because they welcome what’s on the surface more than what’s in the heart - even though it is what’s on the inside that is necessary to bring out the best in you and your relationship.

There’re also those that in the category of physical appearance. He must be tall, fair, muscular, have six packs and ten packs, heavily chested, big breasted, long hair, long legs, nice dentition blah blah blah…….

Desiring someone that is physically good looking is not and never a bad idea. But when your view about relationship is hinged on physical appearances alone, you tend to ignore those that don’t meet your physical standard of perfection; even if they can eventually bring joy and peace to your life.

ALSO READ: The true meaning of love
ALSO READ: What do you mean when you say 'i love you?'

ALSO READ: Why you keep attracting the wrong partner

 The person showing interest in you now may not be all that good looking as regard the physical standard that you’ve created, but does his/her views about life, relationship, marriage and family matches your views? Do you share same values? Can he/she give you what you seek in relationship and stand by you through life? From your observation you can have a clue about who a person is.

 If your answers to some of the above questions are in the affirmative but you still don’t consider him or her presentable enough for your liking; you should ask yourself some of these questions, ‘can I upgrade him or her to my physical standard?’ ‘Can I make him/her presentable and pleasant at least to me?’ ‘What can I do to make him/her better?’ you should understand that relationship is both giving and taking, and you should be willing to give as much as you want to take.

 I know for sure that there is no one that is ugly as different people view beauty differently. Like they say ‘beauty is in the eyes of the beholder –that is, what may be beauty to one may not be considered as beauty by another.’ There are people that look untidy, unkempt and less presentable because of their lifestyles. If such people are given a little encouragement and assistance on how to look good and improve on their appearance you would be amazed on how amazing they will turn out to be.

The next time you think of turning someone down because he/she does not measure up to the physical standard you have created, ask yourself if you can make him or her look better than he appears to be. Anybody can look great and appealing to the eyes, it just depends on whom and what is motivating them to want to look great. You can be that motivator.

There are also the categories that view relationship and marriage as a poverty alleviation scheme. There’s this funny quote by some single ladies that, ‘it is better to cry in a hummer jeep that to cry either in a hot sun or a tricycle.’ Whether in a jeep or hot sun, all still portrays unhappiness. The focal point of relationship and marriage is companionship and happiness. So, if you don’t have that irrespective of the settings, you’re still going to be very miserable: just that in the first case of crying in a jeep, you’ll be living a false life to the outside world and that in a way is far worse as you can hardly have a sincere advice and encouragement from any one.

Should you need someone to alleviate yourself from poverty, you don’t need a partner, you need a job. You don’t go into relationship with a receiving mentality; you go into it with a giving mentality – a desire to make the life of the other person better. Let go of this your poverty mindset or mentality if you truly want to be in a loving relationship as it hinders you from seeing people for who they are but what they have and can offer you. This is one of the reasons most single people are looking for sugar daddies and mummies all about the place; wasting their lives and destinies pursuing shadows.

If you base the suitability or eligibility of a person for a relationship with you on what he/she has and what you stand to gain, you limit yourself and your option. Relationship and marriage is all about building a great life and future with someone you love - not a means of acquiring material things and gains.

Some others are still single because they stay in relationship with the wrong persons. They are so scared of the unknown that they are very unwilling to leave that unhealthy relationship that is not leading them anywhere. They keep hoping that their unserious partner will take them seriously even if the chance of that happening is very slim.

The purpose of any romantic relationship is to assess each other if you two stand a chance of building a great life and future together in a loving union of marriage. You know very well that you have marriage as an ambition yet you are hooking up with someone that isn’t ready to commit any time soon. What do you aim to achieve? You end up wasting your time and the cycle is likely to continue that way.

 Is the person you’re with now likely to get married any time soon? Does he/she have what is required to sustain a healthy relationship or marriage? When you’re in a relationship with someone that is not ready for commitment and you are looking for commitment, you are bound to remain single for a long time.

I think selfishness and wrong choices are two of the major reasons why most single people are still single, not shortage of eligible men or women. People only give excuse so as to take peoples’ eyes from them while they keep pursuing their selfish aim. Relationship encompasses giving and receiving, if you center you view about relationship based on what you can get and not what you can give or how you can encourage the other person to build what you desire for the benefit of both of you, not just you alone, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment and limiting your options. You are what you attract!

ALSO READ: Should this be the true reason why you are still single(part one)
ALSO READ: How to make your man stay in the home and spend time with you
ALSO READ: What that third party might be doing to your relationship/marriage