There is this saying that ‘you
cannot know how much someone loves you or how much you love someone until you
have seen their flaws.’ So many people that are professing
undying love for
their partners and jumping into committed relationships with them are only doing
so because of the good sides of their partner they have seen. No wonder after
they have spent a few years with the said partners you start hearing words like
‘you have changed; I made a mistake marrying him/her; you deceived me’ etc.
It is a known fact that everyone try
to put out their best qualities so that they can get love. But it is the duty of
the other partner to discover the other sides of their partner so that they can
know if they can truly give such partner their love on a long term basis or not. If what is influencing your decision to commit
to him/her are just the good qualities you see in him/her alone, then you still
have a very long way to go.
I am one of those that have the
belief that love is much more than just mere feelings or emotions, because both
feelings and emotions are things that are not consistent; they very much depend
on the situations around such individual. When your decision to love someone is
based on feelings or emotions alone then your relationship is already on a
shallow foundation that might come crashing down any moment.
I see love as an acceptance that stems from a
conscious decision backed up by knowledge. You have to know someone enough
before you can actually tell if you truly love him/her. So many people base
their decision to love and commit to someone on just some surface knowledge
about the person. That is why so many relationships
break up faster than they started because the partners involved later
discovered other aspects of the life of the other partner that they could not
live with.
So many relationships would have
stood the test of time if the partners involved had taken the time to know more
about each other before crossing the commitment bridge. If the only thing that
is making you profess undying love for him/her is because of the good things
he/she has been doing for you, then you can’t really tell if you truly
love him/her. You can’t love someone you don’t know. What if the good qualities you
saw that made you fall for him/her were just a façade?
Until you have seen him/her at some
of their worst moments, you can’t really tell if you truly love him/her. So
many people saying that they love their partners unconditionally are only doing
so because most of them have never seen the other sides of their partner. One
important question you need to ask yourself is ‘can I still love him/her should
I see his/her other side? Don’t be deceived, everyone has an ‘other side’. You
will be doing yourself a whole lot of good by trying to discover some of
his/her other sides before you actually give him/her your full commitment.
Love is an acceptance that stems from
a conscious decision backed up by knowledge. A love commitment that is just
based on what such partner has on the surface will never last. Before you can
confidently say you love someone enough to want to give them your whole life,
you should have known a lot about them and let such knowledge guide your
decision.
Understand that if you can’t accept
his/her bad, there’s no point trying to accept him/her now just because of the
little good you’ve seen in him/her. Love in itself demands serious commitment
but that commitment must not be feeling based, it must be knowledge based.
There’s no point committing to him/her now while hoping you could make him/her
change their bad aspects. What if he/she doesn’t change? Love is accepting
everything about someone. You have to know what you are accepting before you
discover too late that you accepted more than you bargained for.
If only we can try to know a little
more about our partner, we can actually prepare ourselves for issues that may
confront us later in the relationship and decide on the best ways of
approaching those issues should they eventually come up later on in the
relationship. A love commitment without
knowledge is nothing but ‘blind love’ and this is the type of love that always ends
up in disaster. You have to know him/her before you can confidently say that
you love him/her.
The true test of your love for
him/her is not based on the good and nice things you two do for each other
alone but also on the knowledge of who he/she really is. A love commitment that
stems from knowledge can wedge any storm life throws at it because it has a
strong foundation. You must really know him/her before you can boldly say you
love him. Love without knowledge is nothing but a blind love that is very much
likely going to fail when it discovers who the real individual actually is. Do
you think you know your partner enough to confidently say you love him/her?
Hey Dr Obodo, just wanted to give you a quick update. I must be doing something right, because she came over today to tell me she has left the other guy and wants to get back together! She’s willing to do anything to work on our marriage. I’m following your advice and making her work VERY hard to get back in my good graces…so far she’s doing everything she can to make amends. Thanks for all the spell so far…it obviously has worked!”Reach on Dr via templeofanswer@hotmail.co.uk
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