You don’t need anyone to tell you that third parties involvement in marriages are unhealthy to the success of any marriage. Marriage has to involve two matured minds coming together as one in every aspect of their lives. Hence, anything that calls for that number increasing to more than the two people involved constitutes a crowd and should be prevented in whatever way possible.
Third parties involvements
in marriages have always spell doom for most marriages. They tend to aggravate
the problems the marriage is experiencing and create more hatred in the mind of
whoever is getting them involved against his or her spouse.
What if the third party happens to be your parents or your spouse’s parents, how do you deal with that? Irrespective of who the third party is (are), there should be a limit to their involvement in your marriage; else they’ll end up setting you and your spouse up for a possible marital crisis.
What if the third party happens to be your parents or your spouse’s parents, how do you deal with that? Irrespective of who the third party is (are), there should be a limit to their involvement in your marriage; else they’ll end up setting you and your spouse up for a possible marital crisis.
They help magnify the faults of your spouse:
Be careful what
you tell an outsider about your spouse (partner) – outsider here means anyone
that you’re not married to (your friends, parents, brothers, sisters, etc.). Any
person other than your spouse is an outsider and you should be very careful what
you say to them about your partner.
When you discuss your family’s problems with
an outsider, they always tend to take sides with whoever is telling them about
such a problem and speak ill about the other partner: thereby creating more
resentments in the heart of such a partner against the other and make
reconciliation difficult to achieve.
An outsider hardly takes a neutral ground when they are told about the conflict in a marriage – they always take sides. Instead of advising, they tend to condemn the other spouse without knowing the real cause of such conflict; thereby creating more strains in the marriage.
An outsider hardly takes a neutral ground when they are told about the conflict in a marriage – they always take sides. Instead of advising, they tend to condemn the other spouse without knowing the real cause of such conflict; thereby creating more strains in the marriage.
They help broadcast your family’s problems to others:
Discussing your
family’s problems with a third party is akin to giving them the license to help
you broadcast it. You shouldn’t be surprised when you start hearing your family’s
problems in the lips of those you never intend to hear about it because you’ve given
that third party the license to help you broadcast it.
Truly third parties hardly keep the ill news they’ve heard about your family or your spouse to themselves alone; they always tell those other people in their clique. And such is never good for the success of your marriage.
Truly third parties hardly keep the ill news they’ve heard about your family or your spouse to themselves alone; they always tell those other people in their clique. And such is never good for the success of your marriage.
They hardly forget what you’ve told them about your spouse:
This is one of
the reasons why it is unhealthy for you to involve any third party in your
marital affairs. They tend to view your spouse in the light of whatever you’ve
told them about him/her. They don’t care if you painted your spouse in a bad
light to them because you were angry at that time. They tend to swallow everything
you’ve told them about your spouse completely and view him or her in that
light. This in a way creates a kind of disrespects in their hearts toward your
spouse even if your spouse has repented of the supposed evil you told them
about him/her.
There was this
story about two sisters where the younger sister would always go to the elder
sister to lay complaints about her husband. Whenever she has any little problem
with her husband she would call on her elder sister to come and intervene to
the extent that the elder sister started resenting the husband of her younger
sister that she once had a cordial relationship with.
The situation got out of hand when the younger sister and her husband had already settled themselves and started living peacefully while her elder sister kept on having hatred for her younger sister’s husband based on what her younger sister had told her in the past. There was a time that they had a family meeting and the elder sister started insulting the younger sister’s husband – calling him various ill names based on the past, and the younger sister had to reply her in defense of her husband and it resulted in a big fight between both sisters that took the help of family elders for the situation to be resolved.
Be very careful what you tell others about your spouse and family affairs as it hardly go away in their hearts, even after you and your spouse might have settled your differences.
The situation got out of hand when the younger sister and her husband had already settled themselves and started living peacefully while her elder sister kept on having hatred for her younger sister’s husband based on what her younger sister had told her in the past. There was a time that they had a family meeting and the elder sister started insulting the younger sister’s husband – calling him various ill names based on the past, and the younger sister had to reply her in defense of her husband and it resulted in a big fight between both sisters that took the help of family elders for the situation to be resolved.
Be very careful what you tell others about your spouse and family affairs as it hardly go away in their hearts, even after you and your spouse might have settled your differences.
They tend to pry more into your family’s affairs:
The moment you
start telling a third party about your marital affairs, the more they want to
know about the woes your marriage is going through. They’ll start asking
questions about your spouse and the running of you marriage at every point in
time. They’ll view your marriage as a ground to get unpleasant juicy
information for their gossip group. They might even view your reluctance to
tell them more about your marital woes as betrayal of your relationship with
them.
So if you know
that you are not ready to start dishing out information about your marriage to
third parties whenever you come in contact with them, it’s better you don’t start
it in the first place because once you’ve started revealing things about your
marriage to them, they expect it to remain that way.
They make you resent your spouse the more:
Have you ever
gone to tell someone about you family problems or a problem about your spouse
and instead of such a person to console and encourage you, they start telling
you about the good things that their own spouse is doing for them? If that is
the situation, then you should be wiry of such people. Such kinds of people end
up creating more resentment in your heart against your spouse which would translate
into more tension in your marriage.
There was this
story I heard about two female friends some time ago. I’ll refer to each friend
as friend A and friend B. friend A would always go to friend B to pour out her
frustration whenever she and her partner were having any problem. But instead
of friend B to console or encourage her she would also start telling friend A
about the supposed good things her own partner was doing for her and she would
advice her to leave her partner that he didn’t deserve her love.
Friend A got fed up with her partner and she decided to end the relationship. Friend’s A partner tried to reconcile with her so that she would come back home but she refused. After about six months had elapse she came to her senses and went back to her partner to make amends but she was shocked when she discovered that friend B had already taken over her man and she was not allowed into the home any more.
Be careful what you tell others about your partner because some people would just use such an opportunity to poison your mind the more against your spouse and make you take rash decisions against your partner and your relationship.
Friend A got fed up with her partner and she decided to end the relationship. Friend’s A partner tried to reconcile with her so that she would come back home but she refused. After about six months had elapse she came to her senses and went back to her partner to make amends but she was shocked when she discovered that friend B had already taken over her man and she was not allowed into the home any more.
Be careful what you tell others about your partner because some people would just use such an opportunity to poison your mind the more against your spouse and make you take rash decisions against your partner and your relationship.
Your marital affairs
should be your business alone and if at any time you feel like involving any
third party, let that third party be “God almighty”, as he is the only one that
can actually bring relative peace and restores the love in your marriage.
Any other person’s involvement is most likely going to make the matter worse and create more resentment in your mind toward your spouse; thereby leading to more conflicts. Your marriage is in your hands and you alone can make it work out with the help of just one person, God almighty.
Any other person’s involvement is most likely going to make the matter worse and create more resentment in your mind toward your spouse; thereby leading to more conflicts. Your marriage is in your hands and you alone can make it work out with the help of just one person, God almighty.
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