USEFUL TIPS TO RESOLVING MARITAL CONFLICTS

There was this saying in my place that, “the only third party that should be involved during a marital conflict should be God Almighty because he is not bias in any way and always want the best for us.” Involvement of parents, pastors, friends, neighbors, etc. sometimes help in aggravating the problem, instead of proffering solution to it. This is one of the reasons why couples are advised to be very careful of whom they take their disagreement to.Effective ways to building communication in your relationship

Two things are very likely to happen whenever you take your marital disagreement to someone else;

they either help you in settling the dispute with your partner or they poison your heart the more against you partner and make the dispute linger.

 When we take our marital disagreement to a third party sometimes, we don’t necessarily want to hear them condemn our actions but to condemn our partner for the supposed wrong that they have done to us. That is why most third parties involvement in relationship end up putting more strains in the relationship because the party that got them involved would want them to be on their side.

Disagreement is inevitable in relationships because you and your partner are different and are brought up under different settings, but it is how this disagreement is tackled that will determine the level of joy, peace and love that will exist in the relationship.

There was a situation I witnessed somewhere where the wife of this particular man would always take the disagreement she’s having with her husband to her land lady. She so bad-mouthed her husband before the land lady that the land lady now started using the same information she had told her about her husband against her and her husband that almost got both her and her husband in a very big trouble if not for the intervention of God.

 The only time I think married couples are to get anyone involved in resolving their marital disagreement is when the situation has gotten out of their control and both of them can’t sit down reasonably to resolve it without being bias or using fowl language, that’s when parents should be involved – other than that, a third party is prohibited in any marriage that desires to stand the test of time.

In as much as I won’t advice the involvement of anyone else in your marriage, in a situation where someone must be involved, note that the kind of person you get involved will determine the next shape your relationship will take. So be very careful who you tell your marital challenges to because relationship is very easy to break than to build. Below are some simple tips that will guide you when resolving any form of disagreement you may have with your partner;

Understand that you and your partner are on the same team:

A team is a group of individual that work together to achieve a common goal. The members of the team may have divergent views and sometimes argue over those views, but they understand that whatever contributions they are making is for the betterment of the team. Same should be applied in marriage. You and your partner are a team with divergent views that need to be agreed on in order to achieve the common goal of the relationship – marital bliss.Effective ways to building communication in your relationship

 One mistake couples make a time is that they view their partner as their opponent, thus they will always want to stand their ground whether they are right or wrong during a disagreement because they don’t want their perceived opponent(their partner) to win them. Whenever an argument or a disagreement is taking too long to be resolved in your relationship, ask yourself this question, ‘for whose interest are mine holding on this long in this fight?’ is it for my personal interest or the interest of the relationship? No matter the level of praise a player in a soccer team get for scoring the winning goal in a crucial match, the trophy is always given to the team, not the player that scores the deciding goal.

When you understand that the benefits of your marital success are not for your partner alone; but the both of you, you will learn to always address every issue as a team irrespective of how great the disagreement may seem.

Understand that your partner is not your enemy:

An enemy is someone that doesn’t want anything good to happen to another person. The fact that you are having a disagreement with your partner, irrespective of whatever may be causing that disagreement should not make your partner to be seen as an enemy.

 Don’t ever make that mistake of viewing your partner as an enemy because of a disagreement. Seeing your partner as an enemy in any situation erases any trace of love that you may have for him or her at that moment. Someone viewed as an enemy is hardly loved, so don’t make the mistake of regarding your partner as such because it will make it more difficult to resolve such issues.

Learn not to use hateful words during a disagreement:

There’s this saying that ‘you know what a man truly thinks about you when they are angry at you.’ most people take very seriously every word you say to them when you angry at them than when you are at a good terms with them. Disagreements will come and go but the hurtful words spoken to your partner during those disagreements are hardly forgotten.

So many couples accumulate resentment in their hearts towards their partner and wait until he or she has wronged them for them to freely pour out the venom of their anger on him/her. Any situation you can’t address with your partner when you are relaxed and calm, don’t bring those situations up during an argument because you may end up adding more fuel to the already heated up situation.

Be mindful of the words you say to your partner during a disagreement because those words are hardly forgotten after the disagreement has been settled. If such words can’t be said to your partner when all was well, it also shouldn’t be said to him/her when all is not well

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Know when to shut up and walk away:

Some misunderstanding won’t have taken the time they took if some of us had known when to stop and shut up. Most of us in relationship think that being the first to hold our peace during a disagreement means that we have conceded defeat. Thus, we are likely to keep talking until the situation has gotten out of hand.

If we can understand that in a disagreement with our partner there’s neither a winner nor a loser, we would understand that some issues we prolong as a result of too much talking because we don’t want to appear defeated will be very much shortened. Knowing when to keep quiet and let things be will help in making a disagreement resolve faster than going on and on repeating the same thing again and again.

 The moment you find yourself repeating the same lines of argument on and on during a disagreement with your partner to the extent that you voice starts getting louder, just know that it’s time to call yourself to order. The more you talk, the more heated the disagreement will be. so if you know that you can’t talk calmly and reasonable, try to hold yourself at that point by keeping quiet before you say things that you may regret.

Be open to your partner’s views:

Be open to what you partner has to say about the situation at hand. Most times, we are so entangled with our own ideas and way of doing things that we don’t care to listen or pay attention to what anyone has to say. Most disagreement in relationship can be avoided at the onset if we can try to also look at things from our partner’s point of view.Effective ways to building communication in your relationship

 I know that you have already decided that your views are the ultimate and best in the world, why can’t you just take a little time and calmly listen to what your partner is also saying without trying to counter his/her views with your own. Even if you may not accept your partner’s views in the end, listening to what he/she has to say is a mark of love and respect. It makes them know that you value them and their ideas; even if the idea may sound stupid to you, listening to your partner without criticism and trying to understand their view would help in averting some disagreement in our relationship.

Present your ideas without criticizing:

Why do you think it should be done your way? What do we stand to gain or lose if it is done your way? Is your way the best way of doing it? Why shouldn’t we do it your partner’s way? What do we stand to lose or gain if it was done your partner’s way? Can we fuse some part of your partner’s views that are very cogent into your initial views?

 When you understand that any decision taken by you can also affect your partner either directly or indirectly you’ll learn to listen to them when they raise a concern about something to be done without criticism. If we can learn to listen and assess our partner’s views without being judgmental we will avert a lot of disagreement and resentment in our relationship.

We should understand that disagreement is a normal part of all relationship because we are two different people brought up under different settings, it is how that disagreement is handled that will determine how well our relationship will fare. Any decision taken by you or your partner will affect the relationship either positively or negative, thus it is better for both partners to put their heads together and bring out constructive ideas and lovingly deliberate on them in order to take their relationship to where they want it to be.Effective ways to building communication in your relationship