HOW TO BUILD RELATIONHSIP WITH A DIFFICULT PERSON

It is no news that some people are very unwelcoming no matter how hard you try to get close to them or get their attention. It is like they create a kind of cocoon around themselves that is meant to shield them from every other person around them.

Some of such type of people might even get violent when you try to get close to them. So what should you do when you are around those kinds of people? How do you break the shield that they have created around themselves in order for them to open up to you?

That is not an easy task as some people really have difficulty trusting other people as a result of their experiences over the years. Though there are those that irrespective of their experiences are naturally very unwelcoming or sadists as some people would call it.

So how do you deal with such people? Should you just let them be and mind your own business? What if they are in a place that you always have to see them or come in contact with them on a daily basis? How would you deal with that?

To most people, the easiest option is to let them be. Beside, “he/she is not the one feeding you,” as some would say. But, that is not that easy either, mainly if it has to do with someone that you will be seeing on a daily basis as a result of same working environment or same social group. Some of us also, we tend to avoid such people totally – we stop crossing their path, stop greeting them, talk ill about them behind them, make some funny faces when we are in the same environment with them, etc.

 All these tend to make the person act cruder towards us and group us among those in their not to be trusted list. How do you show such person that you are truly friendly and genuine? How do you tell the person that you are not like the others?

When people behave harshly toward us, they tend to expect the same reaction back from us. That is how they get their satisfaction and validate their action. Some people actually know the reaction that they are likely to get when they behave in a certain way around some people that they think they are not flowing well with. So when they display such action and you kind of responded in the way that they expected, they get satisfied. So, what should you do?
 
Firstly, you need to ask yourself if you want to build a relationship with that person – irrespective of the kind of relationship you intend to build with such person. You also need to ask yourself how beneficial it would be to you paying such person back in his/her own coin – would Your nature allow it and would you be at peace with yourself, should you decide to pay the person back in its own coin. After you might have considered all these or some or even more of these then you can give your response.

Some of us tend to think that responding nicely to someone that is trying to hurt us or make us sad is a sign of weakness. It is actually a sign of great strength that only a few can boast of having. In such kind of situation most of us tend to “react” instead of “acting”. And reaction in most cases is what such categories of annoying and difficult people do expect from us.

Below are simple tips to help guide you when dealing with such type of people and help you build relationship with them should you intend to.

•   Don’t criticize from a distance

Some of us tend to judge people by what we hear other people say about them. We’ve never really had a firsthand experience of the person’s harshness in order for us to decide if they’re really what we’ve heard about them. Never criticize anyone that you have never had a one on one encounter with. It only breeds resentment in your mind against such person, and it also kind of prevents you from dealing with such type of persons with an open mind when you eventually meet them.

Even if such person happened to be exactly what you have heard about him/her, their cruel behavior should only give you a clue in planning your strategy on how to maintain a cordial or working relationship between yourself and such person.

•   act calmly and be slow to speak

The first thing we tend to do when we feel someone is trying to get on our nerve or has gotten on our nerve is to outdo the person by reacting more violently toward such person. To some of us, such violent outburst is usually instinctive.

This occurs most times if we have that notion that we shouldn’t let anyone get away freely that has hurt us or tries to hurt our feelings in any way possible. We are like, “let me show him/her that I am not an easy lay”. Such kind of reaction most times breeds more resentment and hatred in the heart of the person toward you.

One of the best ways of acting in such type of situation is by “being calm and slow to speak”. Why should I do this? Because that is a demonstration of strength and only a few can really do that. And you are also looking into a future possibility of having such difficult person as one of your allies in the nearest future. “A difficult person as your ally?” You might wonder. But that is very possible as we never can tell through whom God might decide to bless us in this life.

Also, why should you be calm and slow to speak? Humans naturally tend to act and speak violent when they feel that they have been wronged by someone. So many people would really want to make the person know how their action make them feel, thereby using some violent and insulting words in the process. If you have the aim of maintaining a cordial and maybe friendly relationship with the person in question, it would be best to “act calmly and speak slowly”. This is really not easy, mostly if you feel that you have done nothing wrong to warrant such kind of violent outburst. But it can actually be done.

•   Don’t  cut your communication link with such person

One of the reactive behaviors most of us do put up when we feel someone has offended us or is difficult or has spoken wrongly against us is to cut any form of communication link we might have with such person. A common greeting of “good morning,” can actually make two people to become good friends and even partners.

 One of the ways most difficult or troublesome people decipher if someone has any form of grudges against them is by noting their refusal to greet them or respond to their greetings. Greeting is one of the easiest ways of keeping communication flowing between you and the so called difficult person. Even if the person refuses to respond to your greetings, continue doing it.

 Everyone has a breaking point and with time the person will understand that you are sincerely interested in them and he/she would reciprocate your friendly gesture.

If it happens to be someone you work in the same office with, do not stop doing those chores you do together with them and always try to be friendly with them. With time, they also would welcome you with an open arm. Like I always say, “It is easier said than done”, but, “it can be done”.

•   Be genuinely interested in them

When you go to someone or act nice toward someone, what do you aim to achieve?  It is so sad nowadays, that nobody gives or does anyone a favor for nothing. The law most people operate on is “I scratch you, you scratch me too”. Nothing is done out of love or sincere care for the other.

No matter how hard or resistant to affection or niceness a person is, they always tend to open up and welcome the ones that are truly and sincerely interested in them. Not those that would expect them to reciprocate the good gestures back in no time.

Such difficult persons are not saying that they would not reciprocate your good gestures toward them or even do more, but they want to be sure that you are truly interested in them and care about them before opening up their heart to you. The norm presently is that some people would act so nicely and caring toward you when they want something in return from you. Unknowingly to the people that has been victims of such pretentious niceness, he/she might think that such niceness and care is genuine and stems from a heart of love and deep interest in them.

They’ll later realize that after they must have trusted such a person and given them their whole attention, such person will kind of start making unnecessary demands and leave them dry and exhausted after they have gotten what they wanted. That’s why some people built a kind of block around them that can only be opened to those that are genuinely and sincerely interested in them.

So, when you feel that someone is being difficult around you or is resisting approach and friendship, try to make the person understand that you are genuinely interested in them and that you are not coming to them because you want something from them but because you truly care about them. No one resist sincere friendship, no matter how stone hearted the person might be. It might take a little time though for them to trust you and see your sincerity. But once that is done, you’ll be welcomed to their innermost hearts.

What if such difficult person happens to be your boss, how do you deal with that?

There are some bosses that no matter what you do, you can never please them. But they would also refuse to fire you. What does that say to you? If the main objective of any business is “profit”, how come you have not been pleasing this man/woman, he/she is always complaining about your job, but you are still there working under him/her? It’s because you are still very useful and making profits for such organization despite the supposed lapses that your boss is observing in the carrying out of your job.

 Some bosses that actually do complain a lot, don’t complain because they think you are bad at the job but because they think you can do better - and they want you to give your best. Some also would not want you to relax and not give your all in the job, hence they always complain at your job so that you would strive to give the best results whenever you are called upon in your area of expertise.

Dealing with such type of difficult bosses is quite easy a times. How?

•          Always take their corrections and ensure that you give to them exactly what they wanted- Even if sometimes they would even deny asking you to do the job the way you did it.

•          Don’t ever argue with your boss. Always note the areas that they’ve asked you to make corrections on, and do it as they required.

•          Never develop any form of resentment toward your boss as a result of their crude behavior toward you and your job. That is one of the fastest gateways to being sacked and you can hardly perform creditably well under someone that you have developed resentment toward.

In fact, life would be really fun and easy to live in if we can learn to put our pride aside sometimes and treat other people like we would want to be treated. The bottom line is that you can actually build a cordial relationship with anyone irrespective of how hard or unwelcoming they may claim to be. It’s all in your hands as you are the only one that knows what you want from each person you come across each day. finally, I think that there’s really no harm in showing sincere love and care to someone that we are really interested in – whether they reciprocate it or not.